I didn't mean to imply that I understood your pain.
[He's right - she doesn't understand at all. Doesn't understand how someone can live with nothing left but ghosts and hatred. Doesn't understand why they would do so, why they would continue to struggle when there was nothing to be gained. Yukari is always striving against something, always playing games, some of which are even quite serious, but she never plays a game which cannot benefit her in some way.
Madara is looking to change the world, to remake it, but Yukari can only wonder why. Does he believe that he can rebuild what he's lost? That he can replace the thing he'd loved? It's incomprehensible to Yukari, the idea of filling in that hole with something new. She certainly couldn't do it - the loss of Gensokyo would cut clean through her, tear her in half, and anything she tried to fill herself with would just pass through like sand in a sieve.
Or was that not his goal after all?
It may be, Yukari thinks, that in the end all Madara has left is his desire to destroy the thing that destroyed him, to remove the source of the corruption that tore down his life. To burn it down to its foundation. She can't imagine anything more sad, or more terrifying, than a life consumed with that purpose. But somehow the idea that he might instead be trying to erase the loss with new life seems - wrong, somehow.]
I don't understand that. And I don't understand what it is you're after, either. [Her voice almost a whisper.] What it is you could be looking for, having lost that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
Re: Private to Yukari
Date: 2009-07-07 10:07 pm (UTC)[He's right - she doesn't understand at all. Doesn't understand how someone can live with nothing left but ghosts and hatred. Doesn't understand why they would do so, why they would continue to struggle when there was nothing to be gained. Yukari is always striving against something, always playing games, some of which are even quite serious, but she never plays a game which cannot benefit her in some way.
Madara is looking to change the world, to remake it, but Yukari can only wonder why. Does he believe that he can rebuild what he's lost? That he can replace the thing he'd loved? It's incomprehensible to Yukari, the idea of filling in that hole with something new. She certainly couldn't do it - the loss of Gensokyo would cut clean through her, tear her in half, and anything she tried to fill herself with would just pass through like sand in a sieve.
Or was that not his goal after all?
It may be, Yukari thinks, that in the end all Madara has left is his desire to destroy the thing that destroyed him, to remove the source of the corruption that tore down his life. To burn it down to its foundation. She can't imagine anything more sad, or more terrifying, than a life consumed with that purpose. But somehow the idea that he might instead be trying to erase the loss with new life seems - wrong, somehow.]
I don't understand that. And I don't understand what it is you're after, either. [Her voice almost a whisper.] What it is you could be looking for, having lost that.